the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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