just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
