you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
