she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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