Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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