Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
