I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize