what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
