hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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