i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
