No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
