I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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