So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
