Your mouth is God's brothel.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
