I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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