Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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