If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
