I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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