can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
bring money and cleavage
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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