You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
