Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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