took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
