They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
