Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
