My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
