My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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