you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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