So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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