also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
