i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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