Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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