What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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