Got a toothbrush?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
