dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
