Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
