i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
