SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
