it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
