Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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