did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Girls should come with a carfax report
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
