either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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