So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
is wine microwaveable?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
