her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
