Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize