found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
