Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
