I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
