So drunk its hurt
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
