So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
