don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize