why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
