i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
