i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
