I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
