got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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