i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
