some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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