you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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