quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize