one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I deserve this hangover.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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