i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
