:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
