We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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