Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
