I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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