She's JV to your varsity
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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