Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
