youre lurking in front of me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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