Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
