What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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