the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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