Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
