u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
