sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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