I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You pole danced in your parka.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
