he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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