when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize