the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
