yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize