So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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