I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I supernannyed him into submission
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