maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
