I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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