so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
