Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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