I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
