just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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