Who did Billy Mays play for?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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