and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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