Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
