Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
