There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
im on a boat
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